My two best friends right now are Jason and Malcolm. I like them both a lot. By the way, Jason hasn't said anything really boyfriendish lately. Maybe the snogging was a one-off kind of thing. That's fine.
Anyway, back to what I was saying. I feel I'm keeping secrets from both of them, and it puts this huge wall between us.
The secret with Jason is huge. He has no idea about one of the most important things in my life. I hate that. I feel I can never be truly close to him. It's like when I was little and we went on a weekend holiday to Canterbury. There was this toy store. My parents said we could go in and look, but we couldn't buy anything. We had just celebrated Christmas a few weeks before, and they thought I had enough new toys. And to be fair, that was true.
Going to the toy store wasn't as fun though because I couldn't get anything. It's not fun to just look.
It's hard to explain, but that's how I feel about Jason. I feel if I didn't have this secret, we could be great friends. I wish it didn't have to be a secret, but I understand why it needs to be this way. It sort of makes me wish I was someone else. I love my life though, especially the wizarding part.
Maybe what I wish is that Jason was a wizard. Then I wouldn't need to keep things a secret. I've had this fantasy (more than once) where he confesses that he's a wizard. Wouldn't that be funny if he was keeping the same secret all this time?
No, but then I'm sure he would have said something when Julia mentioned Harry Potter.
Oh well.
I don't have to keep things a secret from Malcolm. That's the good thing. The thing with him is he acts totally bored when I talk about anything Muggle related. He won't say anything or he'll change the subject.
So with one friend I have to keep my Muggle life quiet and with the other friend I have to keep my wizarding life secret.
I guess that's fine. I know there's worse problems in the world. I read about Luna, and how she's still missing. I heard about the the Creevey parents being found dead...and Ted Tonks as well. It's so depressing and I'm very worried about all of you. I wish you would come here to live. I know you want to fight and make things okay, but what if they never become okay? Maybe it's better if all the good wizards come to Australia. Leave England to the bigoted evil wizards.
I know. I know. It's not that simple. Sorry.
14 comments:
I just thought of something. I can maybe keep my fantasy. It could be that Jason's a secret wizard, but he's not aware of international current events. Maybe he's just never heard of Harry Potter before.
Don't worry. I'm just being silly. I don't really believe Jason is a secret wizard.
God, I wish it were that simple.
But now, now everything has been destroyed.
I can't- I can't explain now. It's too much to talk about still. Just, don't stop being hopeful. Someone out there needs to be. I don't care about making the world better anymore. I just want revenge.
SC,
What happened? If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine, but after reading your comment, I'm worried.
Alex,
If only.
I hope you get your revenge.
SC Mather,
I'm sorry for whatever has happened to you : (
I can't blame you for wanting revenge.
I can't- I don't know how to say it yet. This war has destroyed everything I ever cared about.
I'm sorry. I don't mean to be...I just can't talk about it yet. If I talk about it then I have to accept that it happened.
I understand how you feel SC. I really do.
When I returned to my home after Bill Weasley's wedding, I couldn't believe Sophie was gone. That I hadn't been strong enough to protect her. Then- then I saw the ruins. I saw my parents, dead. I sat there and cried. I don't know how long it was. It could have been five minutes or five hours. I guess I finally realised that I had to run, had to find her. I rumaged through the remains of my home for a few things, and left. I didn't know who I was, where I was going, or what I was going to do. I just kept puttng one foot in front of the other. Sometimes, when Sophie can't hear, I still cry. I feel like some failure as a daughter on my part caused my parents' deaths. I know it's not true. But I can't help but feel that maybe if I had been there, I could had stopped it. Or maybe I'd be dead too.
Either way, I have to live with the fact that I almost lost Sophie. That I failed to save my parents, and failed to save her. I know I will always have that guilt.
One foot in front of the other.
SC Mather,
I can't even begin to understand what you're going through. But if you're ever ready to talk about it, we're all here to listen and support you.
It sounds like you and Mia have a lot in common in terms of having suffered horrible losses. Maybe it would help for you both to talk to each other.
Mia...
Why didn't you tell me? If I has known you felt like this, I would have tried to help. I wish you would let me join the DA and fight. I want to help.
Oh Sophie. I'm sorry you saw that. I didn't want to tell you, to worry you.
And you are not joining the DA. This is not children's play; this is war. This is dangerous. People die in war. I'm sorry, but try to understand. This is for your own good.
Little sisters are a pain. But I say let her join. Why not?
And how could you not think she'd see your post. You know she comes to this site.
You're like Alex. She writes about me here like I'm not going to see it. And she knows I'm going to see it. Sometimes I go to the toilet and wonder if I should report it to Alex so she can share it with all of you.
No offense but I think you wanted your sister to see it. You were too scared to be upfront with her so you wrote it here and secretly hoped that she would read it.
Julia,
Sometimes people write things because they have all these feelings bottled up inside and they need to get it out.
I'm sorry I talk about you sometimes. It does make me feel better to talk about things sometimes. But you're right. It's probably not very fair.
Julia,
No, I didn't. I guess I just didn't think about it when posted that.
Sophie isn't a pain to me; she's the only family I've got left.
She's not joining because she's eleven. If she was 15 or older, I'd let her join. But she's young. She's not ready for this.
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